Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
this hospital has no fireball
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
