That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
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