I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
