yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
