His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
