Dual....:-)
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
