i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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