If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
