I think scott just propositioned me for sex
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
