i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
