remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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