So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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