Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
