So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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