Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
