The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
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