so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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