I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
