i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
