If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
