so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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