You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
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