sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
