I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
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