We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
