So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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