I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
