Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I don't deserve a penis
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Randomize
