What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Randomize
