Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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