Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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