She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
