I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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