there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
