isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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