u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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