Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
What drink are we having for lunch?
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
