Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
