why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
