How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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