Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
