jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Are these your boobs on my camera?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
