mondays should just be called national damage control day
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
