I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I just gift wrapped bread.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize
