Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
