oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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