she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
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