Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
i wish my penis had a tongue
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
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