I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
