We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
