I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
