:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
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I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
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I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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