No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
barbara walters just said penis...
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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