i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
