If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
