I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Pooping to opera.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
