I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
