I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
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