What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
