There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
