Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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