I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
