I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
