i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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