Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
