Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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