Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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