Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Randomize
