so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
