I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
