it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
