It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
