D3 body, D1 cock
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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