oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
