Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
