Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
There r osticjed everywhere
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
