its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
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Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
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The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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